"Hay ye soor kutai gov" in a roaring sound...
Abu ji shouting at everyone – where is this swine, I will cut him into pieces and throw those pieces to dogs "trudis traavan alhund"- today I will hang him.
I was hiding in the backyard,though I could imagine his face appear in front of my eyes with drops of sweat on his forehead- Red cheeks glistened like polished apples- eyes fuming indicating that the blood is on full boil.Abuji's fair complexion would invite challenges from hollywood.I remember mom told me once when she saw abuji for the first time she thought he was a Firangi.Once when mom saw George bush on tv she screamed hai Mohd.Yusuf! and Abuji grinned in amusement.He liked it!
"Hayo soora katitu chukh choori behit" where are you hiding-You swine! He shouted again
What happened asked my mom?
"Khali kya phaerhay tas plaza walis seeth hune sindh peath" – He only roams around with this plaza guy like a stray dog. This kutt hune-stray dog has brought shame to my name.He spoiled my image in the whole society. hooo! "Fakoo katu dhakiaa khoo,zan chukh che hari singh" mom would often use this slang to taunt abuji and in reply Abuji would spare none of her folks.
When Abuji wanted to score some extra points he would start playing his trump cards. Huuu! Don’t force me to open my mouth as if I don’t know your folks,They still eat rice cake with nun chaai.Seeing things turning ugly I somehow managed to escape and returned late in the evening .Mom wouldn’t eat anything unless I come back.I skipped in from the rear balcony adjoining our neighbours backyard.
Where were you? "mool kari khash ",He will slaughter you. Now eat food and go to sleep else if he saw you he will start screaming again. why don’t you study and do your home work properly .I would say nothing instead concentrate on my meal. Mom would get irritated by this attitude of mine she would push my head and say "che chie gomut mujjoont" you have become worthless.
My urdu teacher Nazir sir would call me a "nettaschoth" langour.I remember once when I scored 13 out of 100 in urdu he told me even if I reverse the digits just for the sake of passing you, then also you will fail by a margin of two marks.So you better quit school and sell mujje jogje -vegetables.That year I got 199 out of 500 and just as a courtesy my class teacher did a great favour by promoting me to next standard.When I saw my report card only three things came to my mind – Bata chapple – Marchangan loor- te Soie these were the wepons of my destruction.
lucky added fuel to fire and started to frighten me of the consequences that I would have to face at home-- "yuspe haa maarie" Yusuf will murder you".I have an idea! lucky said.What is that I asked.Temper your report card.Change the marks and your problem is solved.This looked to be the best and fast remedy to this disease.While I was getting ready to forge my marks sheet,here were some valuable inputs.Owaisa if you temperd all the digits than your father "yuspe" will defenitly catch you.so instead of changing all the three digits just change the first digit,this digit can easily become 4.You mean 499 out of 500? i asked with raised eyebrows.
Yes said lucky, now that you are anyway forging it then why write less and I don’t think you really have any other option.I stuck to the plan and forged the total marks from 199 to an excellent figure of 499.It took three of us almost four hours,some pebbles and some extraordinary thinking to make alterations in the marks sheet and levelling the individual subject wise marks against the total marks.I thought If I would have invested only 10% of this energy and mind in my studies,today I would have passed with good marks. I remember lucky's grand father would tell us if you wish you three would sell shit at the cost of gold.199 became 499 and Grade E became Grade-Excellent.
I silently opend the door to check the mood inside before going in. Abuji was having his lunch on warindah and rest of the family watching his cheeks turning red with every mouthful of rice.He would tell me one should chew every mouthful thirty times before swallowing it in.Mom would often tell abuji "yeh chruf chruf maa laag" - don’t make these weird chomps.Mom busy with her embroidery,sobia covering her face with Gulistan urdu book pretending as if she was studying.I heard mom saying Gashu must be coming,i hope he gets good marks this year.Abuji interrupted with a strong crank and said "Aendram kaddas"- I will pull out his intestines if he didn’t get good marks this year,It churned my stomach.I took a deep breath and completely entered into the character of a Class topper.My excitement was worth watching,I was thrilled.I jumped in & said "Momaaa pass-choor hatt te nam nammath marks!! "-(499 marks!)
I saw my lil sister sobia opening her big eyes wider in surprise.she was stuck dumb! and looked at me with doubtful eyes.I avoided looking at her eyes because she almost dumped my fake confidence."Talla talla mea haav",-Mom said show me –show me- haaai! 499 out of 500 – Grade Excellent (it came as Excalannt out of her mouth)-haaai Distingshan!
Lagsiya balaai—Mubarakh! Mubarakh!
Abu didn’t say a word yet.why you don’t say few words of appreciation ,see "akh marks chus kamm" he has fallen short just by one mark.
Ye kyazi chuhai akh marks chotmut what they deducted this one mark for, Abuji asked finally.I don’t know I replied and kept quit.
Suddenly I saw sobia counting my marks obtained in every subject and tallying them with the total marks.She repeated the same process three to four times and looked a bit confused.
What happened sobia mom asked.sobia whispered something in moms ear with a corner of her eye towards me."Naai tallai be ganzraav ha"- noo let me count.It made my blood run cold. my ear lobes turning pink.My face turning pale.
what happned mom, I asked.what is she saying.
Look there is a big mistake the total is coming 500 and they have written only 499."Akh marks chuhai khumut".It took four hours for me-owaisplaza and lucky to calculate-we used pebbles- we did it and did it again.we counted and then recounted,we checked and then rechecked but still we made a mistake – Nazir sir was right we should quit school and sell Mujji jogji.
"Gasshan che karmut ath kethaain".Gashu has done something wrong with it sobia grinned.I felt like a cat on hot bricks. I could feel butterflies in my stomach.Shutup I said go and concentrate on you work.
"Talsa yure haav" –This time abuji took a keen interest."Hyo atth ma chuthas doolmut".Did you temper it.Noo I said-why should i- how can I – with a volly of questions and tears sopporting my fake argument.I turned to mom and started crying- see muma I got good marks and still everyone is doubting me.Naaa gobur,we are not doubting you,It’s a mistake from their side and they should rectify it.Why don’t you go to his school and ask his class teacher why they are always biased towards my child mom told abuji."muhaa mune gobur pakh keh batt"- with a kiss on my forehead mom went towards kitchen to bring some food for me.
"Wathsa khesa batt jaldi"—finish your lunch quickly abuji said we will go to your school.Abuji its already late I said.No its only 1o'clock. school will be open till 3 oclock sobia intervened.I knew if i went with abuji he will cut me into pieces and distribute among the Behari labours in tulibal near MET.so I preffered to stay back.You go I will not come I am exhausted I said and laid back in exasperation.
He took my report card and gave me a 100 rupee note to buy new books from fayaz enterprise and went away....
Then he came roaring back in the evening—"hay ye soor kutie gov"!
Abu ji shouting at everyone – where is this swine, I will cut him into pieces and throw those pieces to dogs "trudis traavan alhund"- today I will hang him.
I was hiding in the backyard,though I could imagine his face appear in front of my eyes with drops of sweat on his forehead- Red cheeks glistened like polished apples- eyes fuming indicating that the blood is on full boil.Abuji's fair complexion would invite challenges from hollywood.I remember mom told me once when she saw abuji for the first time she thought he was a Firangi.Once when mom saw George bush on tv she screamed hai Mohd.Yusuf! and Abuji grinned in amusement.He liked it!
"Hayo soora katitu chukh choori behit" where are you hiding-You swine! He shouted again
What happened asked my mom?
"Khali kya phaerhay tas plaza walis seeth hune sindh peath" – He only roams around with this plaza guy like a stray dog. This kutt hune-stray dog has brought shame to my name.He spoiled my image in the whole society. hooo! "Fakoo katu dhakiaa khoo,zan chukh che hari singh" mom would often use this slang to taunt abuji and in reply Abuji would spare none of her folks.
When Abuji wanted to score some extra points he would start playing his trump cards. Huuu! Don’t force me to open my mouth as if I don’t know your folks,They still eat rice cake with nun chaai.Seeing things turning ugly I somehow managed to escape and returned late in the evening .Mom wouldn’t eat anything unless I come back.I skipped in from the rear balcony adjoining our neighbours backyard.
Where were you? "mool kari khash ",He will slaughter you. Now eat food and go to sleep else if he saw you he will start screaming again. why don’t you study and do your home work properly .I would say nothing instead concentrate on my meal. Mom would get irritated by this attitude of mine she would push my head and say "che chie gomut mujjoont" you have become worthless.
My urdu teacher Nazir sir would call me a "nettaschoth" langour.I remember once when I scored 13 out of 100 in urdu he told me even if I reverse the digits just for the sake of passing you, then also you will fail by a margin of two marks.So you better quit school and sell mujje jogje -vegetables.That year I got 199 out of 500 and just as a courtesy my class teacher did a great favour by promoting me to next standard.When I saw my report card only three things came to my mind – Bata chapple – Marchangan loor- te Soie these were the wepons of my destruction.
lucky added fuel to fire and started to frighten me of the consequences that I would have to face at home-- "yuspe haa maarie" Yusuf will murder you".I have an idea! lucky said.What is that I asked.Temper your report card.Change the marks and your problem is solved.This looked to be the best and fast remedy to this disease.While I was getting ready to forge my marks sheet,here were some valuable inputs.Owaisa if you temperd all the digits than your father "yuspe" will defenitly catch you.so instead of changing all the three digits just change the first digit,this digit can easily become 4.You mean 499 out of 500? i asked with raised eyebrows.
Yes said lucky, now that you are anyway forging it then why write less and I don’t think you really have any other option.I stuck to the plan and forged the total marks from 199 to an excellent figure of 499.It took three of us almost four hours,some pebbles and some extraordinary thinking to make alterations in the marks sheet and levelling the individual subject wise marks against the total marks.I thought If I would have invested only 10% of this energy and mind in my studies,today I would have passed with good marks. I remember lucky's grand father would tell us if you wish you three would sell shit at the cost of gold.199 became 499 and Grade E became Grade-Excellent.
I silently opend the door to check the mood inside before going in. Abuji was having his lunch on warindah and rest of the family watching his cheeks turning red with every mouthful of rice.He would tell me one should chew every mouthful thirty times before swallowing it in.Mom would often tell abuji "yeh chruf chruf maa laag" - don’t make these weird chomps.Mom busy with her embroidery,sobia covering her face with Gulistan urdu book pretending as if she was studying.I heard mom saying Gashu must be coming,i hope he gets good marks this year.Abuji interrupted with a strong crank and said "Aendram kaddas"- I will pull out his intestines if he didn’t get good marks this year,It churned my stomach.I took a deep breath and completely entered into the character of a Class topper.My excitement was worth watching,I was thrilled.I jumped in & said "Momaaa pass-choor hatt te nam nammath marks!! "-(499 marks!)
I saw my lil sister sobia opening her big eyes wider in surprise.she was stuck dumb! and looked at me with doubtful eyes.I avoided looking at her eyes because she almost dumped my fake confidence."Talla talla mea haav",-Mom said show me –show me- haaai! 499 out of 500 – Grade Excellent (it came as Excalannt out of her mouth)-haaai Distingshan!
Lagsiya balaai—Mubarakh! Mubarakh!
Abu didn’t say a word yet.why you don’t say few words of appreciation ,see "akh marks chus kamm" he has fallen short just by one mark.
Ye kyazi chuhai akh marks chotmut what they deducted this one mark for, Abuji asked finally.I don’t know I replied and kept quit.
Suddenly I saw sobia counting my marks obtained in every subject and tallying them with the total marks.She repeated the same process three to four times and looked a bit confused.
What happened sobia mom asked.sobia whispered something in moms ear with a corner of her eye towards me."Naai tallai be ganzraav ha"- noo let me count.It made my blood run cold. my ear lobes turning pink.My face turning pale.
what happned mom, I asked.what is she saying.
Look there is a big mistake the total is coming 500 and they have written only 499."Akh marks chuhai khumut".It took four hours for me-owaisplaza and lucky to calculate-we used pebbles- we did it and did it again.we counted and then recounted,we checked and then rechecked but still we made a mistake – Nazir sir was right we should quit school and sell Mujji jogji.
"Gasshan che karmut ath kethaain".Gashu has done something wrong with it sobia grinned.I felt like a cat on hot bricks. I could feel butterflies in my stomach.Shutup I said go and concentrate on you work.
"Talsa yure haav" –This time abuji took a keen interest."Hyo atth ma chuthas doolmut".Did you temper it.Noo I said-why should i- how can I – with a volly of questions and tears sopporting my fake argument.I turned to mom and started crying- see muma I got good marks and still everyone is doubting me.Naaa gobur,we are not doubting you,It’s a mistake from their side and they should rectify it.Why don’t you go to his school and ask his class teacher why they are always biased towards my child mom told abuji."muhaa mune gobur pakh keh batt"- with a kiss on my forehead mom went towards kitchen to bring some food for me.
"Wathsa khesa batt jaldi"—finish your lunch quickly abuji said we will go to your school.Abuji its already late I said.No its only 1o'clock. school will be open till 3 oclock sobia intervened.I knew if i went with abuji he will cut me into pieces and distribute among the Behari labours in tulibal near MET.so I preffered to stay back.You go I will not come I am exhausted I said and laid back in exasperation.
He took my report card and gave me a 100 rupee note to buy new books from fayaz enterprise and went away....
Then he came roaring back in the evening—"hay ye soor kutie gov"!
